The Hope Connection

Isolation and Domestic Violence: Warning Signs

by Stephanie Cox

Isolation is a strategy used in domestic violence to gain and keep control over victims. Abusers often use isolation to drag victims from support systems and make them more dependent. This can happen with both physical isolation and emotional isolation. Physical isolation is where the victim may not be allowed to socialize with friends and/or family. Emotional isolation is where the victim may feel alone or unsupported. Some warning signs of domestic violence include:

Controlling Behavior: Abusers may show control over various aspects of the victim’s life, including finances, social, and personal decisions. They might check in or restrict the victim’s activities. Even enforcing rules about who they can/cannot see or what they can/cannot do.

Verbal and Emotional Abuse: This may include degrading comments, criticism, and emotional manipulation. Abusers may belittle their victims, try and hurt self-esteem, or use gaslighting to make them overthink their beliefs and/or reality.

Jealousy and Possessiveness: Abusers often show jealousy by making accusations. This behavior reinforces control and creates dependency. It can often lead to increased surveillance and/or restrictions.

Physical Abuse: Physical violence, such as hitting, strangulation, or other forms of harm, is a sign of abuse. Victims may try to hide injuries. Victims also could downplay how bad the situation was or even make up a story.

Isolation and Support Systems: Victims may be discouraged from keeping connections with friends, family, or work colleagues. This can leave a victim feeling alone and/or helpless. It also makes it harder for them to seek help.

Just remember that these signs can vary or change. Every victim goes through their own unique experience. As a community we need to know and be talking about these signs. If we have a strong community network, we can help victims escape the cycle of domestic violence. This is the beginning of the road to recovery. Gaining awareness is the first step.

Dynamics of Domestic Violence in Immigrant Communities

by Rocio Fernandez Lugo

Domestic violence is a pattern of abusive behavior used to gain control over another person. It includes threats; emotional, sexual, or economic abuse; intimidation; deprivation; social isolation; or repeated battering and assault.

Without culturally sensitive intervention, an immigrant victim of domestic violence may feel that they have no choice but to stay in an abusive relationship. Immigrant victims face many barriers to seeking and receiving assistance. The barriers may be cultural, economic, practical, or legal.

Immigrant victims:

• May be more likely to live in seclusion – far from family and friends, not speak English, work or drive a car.
• May have come from cultures that don’t talk about domestic violence and may believe that the U.S. legal system and its protections do not apply to them.
• May be ostracized by their family or community if they reveal the violence.
• May not be able to utilize available resources because the services are not offered in their language and interpreters are not available.
• May find that services in their community are not culturally appropriate.
• May fear the criminal justice system.
• May rely on male family members to interact with the public.
• May fear that their children will be taken from them.
• May fear that the person abusing them will be deported if they report the abuse, thereby eliminating their only source of income.

Immigrant victims may experience the following power and control tactics by the abuser:

Citizenship or Residency Privilege: Failing to file papers to legalize immigration status or withdrawing papers that have been filed.

Economic Abuse: Threatening to report the victim to ICE (Immigration and Customs Enforcement) if s/he is working “under the table” or without valid authorization; keeping the victim from obtaining job training or schooling (also a form of isolation); forcing the victim to work when they do not have a work permit; forcing the victim to sign papers (IRS forms, etc.) that they do not understand.

Emotional Abuse: Demeaning and degrading comments about the victim seeking to damage the victim’s self-esteem; using the victim’s age, language skills, cultural norms, or disabilities to control them.

Intimidation: Hiding or destroying the victim’s important papers (passport, identification card, Green Card, birth certificates, health insurance card, etc.); destroying the victim’s sentimental personal property.

Isolation: Keeping the victim from communicating with or seeing their family and friends; keeping the victim from learning to speak English.

Sexual Abuse: Calling the victim a prostitute or “mail order bride;” forcing the victim to have sex with others for money; sexually assaulting the victim.

Threats: Threatening to report the victim to ICE to get them deported; threatening to withdraw the petition to legalize the victim’s immigration status; threatening to harm the victim’s family or to stop financial support.

Using Children: Threatening to take the victim’s children away from the United States, file for custody, report children to ICE or hurt the children.

Hands of Hope Resource Center is staffed with advocates who are culturally and linguistically equipped to assist victim-survivors of diverse backgrounds. Please don’t hesitate to reach out.

October is National Bullying Prevention Month

by Barb Dinkel Goodrich

What is bullying? Bullying is when someone repeatedly and purposefully says or does mean and/or hurtful things to a person who has a difficult time defending themselves.

While different than ordinary conflict, bullying has three distinguishing characteristics:

Purposeful negative acts to cause fear or harm. Bullies are cruel. They want their victim to feel fear, and their intent is to hurt the victim’s feelings.

A pattern of behavior repeated over time. It takes more than one or two incidents to identify a bully. The pattern of behavior must persist over time, which could be days, weeks, or even longer.

It involves an imbalance of power or strength. In a bullying situation, one person or group has perceived power over the other. Often, it is identity-based, targeting someone who is different due to race, religion, disability, immigration status, sexual orientation, gender identity, or physical appearance. This imbalance means the victim often feels they cannot ask others for help.

Bullying isn’t just a harmless rite of passage; it can have lasting emotional and psychological consequences for victims. Education is the most potent weapon against bullying. Schools, parents, and community organizations need to collaborate to provide anti-bullying programs which will not only address the negative impact of bullying but also provide strategies to stand up against it. Together we can all send a powerful message that bullying will not be tolerated and has no place in our community.

World Kindness Day

by Taylor Hernandez

1998 World Kindness Day was introduced internationally by the World Kindness Movement. The holiday is meant to promote kindness among each other and the effects large and small acts of kindness have on people in a positive way along with the ripple effect that can follow.

We tell our kids and people we know to be kind. But what does that actually mean? According to Merriam-Webster kindness is the quality or state of being kind or a deed/ favor. Kindness is a choice that one makes. It can be a small act such as picking up garbage off the sidewalk, holding a door for someone, or complimenting someone. Kindness can be big actions as well as putting up hopeful signs in your yard such as “Don’t Give Up” or “You Deserve Love.” Actions can go even bigger to systematic change as fighting for rights and the environment.

I met someone in an aisle at a bookstore a couple weeks ago and she helped me find some new books I hadn’t known about. We started to discuss similar books that we both had read and honestly it made my day. Her kindness to reach out and talk with me had a huge impact on my day.

Lastly, kindness is shown to oneself. This is the part I struggle with the most. Our society discusses self-care and not giving from an empty cup, especially in giving professions. That sometimes we forget to put ourselves on our list. So, I challenge everyone who reads this to show some more kindness. Even if it is just to yourself. The world can be kind of dark, so there is always a reason to add more light.

PHILANTHROPY

(Greek word phil which means “loving” and anthrop, which means “mankind”)

by Marilyn Bartell, Assistant Director

Philanthropy is the practice of giving time, talent, or money to help others, or the desire to do so. You do not have to be rich to be a philanthropist or only give to large organizations or museums. Philanthropy can also refer to general goodwill towards others, or the promotion of human welfare.

That is who Hands of hope Resource Center is, we exist solely for the purpose of promoting better human welfare.

When someone is affected by violence or abuse it is up to all of us who have a “Love for Mankind.” It’s our job as a philanthropist, to step up and help eliminate the social problems at their sources. That starts by helping victims regain their dignity and power, and helping them hold those perpetrators accountable for their actions.

By making a donation to Hands of Hope Resource Center you are not only helping the victims of Morrison and Todd counties, you are promoting societal change.

Please “stand up today for a better community for tomorrow” by donating. Don’t wait another minute, go online to Hands of Hope.net or just open your phone browser and use the QR code. We are counting on you to help make a difference! Please donate today.